the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
