fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
