all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize