And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
