I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
