Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
