i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
