Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
