So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
