I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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