Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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