Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
