that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
