I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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