i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm just crazy horny about you
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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