I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
