just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
