If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
