dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
