that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize