I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
