dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
