hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
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I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
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I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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