oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
