Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
