I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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