just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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