my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
