sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
