his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
