I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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