A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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