I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
