I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
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And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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