i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
