Tell her she can't have a vagina
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
