My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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