he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
