I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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