You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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