My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
