I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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