dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
