I have demons in me.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize