Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
