I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
