omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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