My room smells like vodka and shame
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
