so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
