My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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