Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Rumble strips road head = magical
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
