if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
