I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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