I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
