the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
