): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
