don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
