They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
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Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
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I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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