you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
