i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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