Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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