The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
