She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
