His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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