Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
