im drinking this country out of the recession.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize