Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
