The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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