just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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