break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
