rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
