you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
