Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
did you just send me my own nude
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
