I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
