Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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