I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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