I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
