My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
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Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
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Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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