He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
